I also hated the job I was fired from. I was miserable there, and I was starting to get so burnt out. They were setting me up to fail, and I started thinking it was my fault that things weren’t getting done. But when you are the sole marketing person responsible for a portfolio of 15+ hotels in 2 provinces, of course you aren’t going to be able to do everything up to your own standards. I was so disappointed that the work I was doing was being ripped away from me, but also somehow so relieved that it was over.

But now, as I sit on the couch in the apartment I share with my partner, with him to my right at the kitchen table working from home, I can’t help but feel guilty. I know that he wants to support me through this and I am so grateful that he is willing, but I hate the feeling of having to be supported. This isn’t the first time I have had to be on EI, in fact right before I got this job I was on it for 4 weeks.

I have to go pick up my final check today and I am not looking forward to it. I feel embarrassed going there, seeing people that weren’t fired. It’s going to suck, but I gotta put my big girl panties on and get ‘er done.

Bye for now. read less

So I guess that’s something I can talk about for my first little blog-y thing.

Since I was a kid, I always hyper focused on the small details. School projects tended to take me a lot more time than my peers. If you grew up in Canada, you know about the torture that is the inevitable project in social studies where you have to colour in a map of our beautiful country. I will forever have qualms with Nunavut- how dare she have so many tiny little islands. That project in particular stands out to me as a time where I was a massive perfectionist. I took SO LONG colouring in those stupid little islands, and that wasn’t even the graded part of the project. I don’t really know what was, but what it certainly was not was making sure that you made the most beautifully coloured map of Canada.

But what’s the problem with this? Well, I guess for me I hyperfocus on the perfection of something, the aesthetics, the formatting, whathaveyou.

One thing that I am really a perfectionist about that has gotten really frustrating over the last few years has been my health. For context, most of my life I have been a bean pole, tall and lanky. I used to always get comments about how skinny I was and how tall. I liked that. Over the last 5 years, I have gained quite a bit of weight and my self esteem has really taken a hit. Not a sob story, just context. So, because of this, I have tried dieting and exercising. So. Many. Times. I try tracking calories and doing home workouts. But here’s the thing- if I don’t stick to my plan exactly how I think I need to (eating too many calories, missing a workout), I get frustrated and throw in the towel. But I know in my brain that something is better than nothing, and that just because you spilled a little bit of water on the floor doesn’t mean that you should give up and pour the entire glass out. Idk if that’s necessarily a perfection thing, but it’s entirely too frustrating.

So with this blog, I want to get over the perfectionism. I want to write with the main goal to write. I want to take pictures with the main goal to take pictures. I want to share projects that I am working on with the main goal of getting the project done eventually and sharing my progress. I want to learn new things without any strict lesson plans. I want to do simply to do. So that’s what I will do.

Welcome, and thanks for reading. I hope you will enjoy what comes next. read less